When I see a client one of the first goals is to find out how they feel about themselves. That is determined (I use the word advisedly) at a young age (3-5). If the parent was able to communicate acceptance and approval (because the parent was self-accepting) then the child feels accepted. If the parent doesn’t approve and accept the child then the child feels flawed inside and will try to gain acceptance in different ways. The child may try to achieve, be good, be a class clown to gain approval, be sickly (especially if there is a history of sickliness in the family), or may fade into the woodwork until able to leave the family. That client needs to be self-accepting and to deal with the old sadness and anger at not not having been accepted.
If the client was accepted but was not disciplined (a parent has to give both: love and discipline), then a different approach is needed to deal with the lack of boundaries, impulsiveness and shallow level of emotions that are sometimes exhibited.
There are a number of ways to help someone change and develop a different self-image and approach life differently. We will discuss them in future teachings.